That Damn 2 a.m…

When it’s 2 am and you cannot sleep, your mind goes over everything. Everything. The good and the bad and all that you can’t understand, can’t make sense of. It’s truly amazing the way your entire life can change, can shift, in the blink of an eye. Sometimes that change is for the better. Seems like when it’s for the better is a whole lot less noticeable than when it’s for the worse. That shift for the worse so suddenly can leave you feeling so unsteady and at the mercy of something you can’t even name, everything, and nothing. Stripped bare and cold. Disillusioned. Unsure of yourself because you trusted and felt safe. Like Charlie Brown kicking that football – so sure he had it, this time. Dragging up demons you thought you’d long ago slayed. You wonder how you can block it all out, how you can disappear. You can feel so low that you forget how to get back up. But you get up because life goes on and you have to figure out how to keep it work, how to be your hero, your own love. You don’t need saving. You keep hope alive and then you fight – like you always have. You realize that you’re all you really have and that all that really exists is this exact moment. Wait, that moment is a memory already – on to the next. The next one will be good. You can make it what you want it to be. You and only you can make it good. So you get out the map and plot a fresh course. You have the compass – it’s all yours. And you really hope you don’t lose it. #whatareyagonnado 😊

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